settling in...sorta
monday, febraury 10, 2020


it's been quite a week and a half, with a lot of midweek schedule changes, thus my silence.

but first, it has come to my attention that people may not know why i'm a stay at home mom. it's not because i'm lazy. in fact, i used to work, but things have changed enough since then that home is the best place for me. those who have read more than a day or three of whysper knows this bothers me, but also it's necessary. i'm home keeping an eye on my son who has autism. he's 27, high functioning, but he can't be left alone: just like he wouldn't be able to respond to unexpected changes when driving (so we had to let him down gently about being able to drive—it's not going to happen), he wouldn't be able to respond as quickly or appropriately to emergencies at home by himself. a job for him would have to be local (we only have one car) and part time. we've looked about a time or three, but no one wants to take on a kid (despite his age, he's like 10-15 in development, depending on what you're talking about) who would need to be highly supervised, and there's no way i could take him to a job with me. and i'm the cheapest help we can get for him since i cost nothing and anyone else would cost more than i could make in "real" job.

which doesn't mean i do nothing around here. kiddo and i do chores around the house: he vacuums, does bathrooms, i do the kitchen, we both do laundry, etc. and i handle the bills so hubs doesn't have to stress out over them in addition to working so hard. it's not an ideal situation, and i wish it were different, but this is what works for us. my kiddo gets to stay in a home where he is loved, my husband generally only has to worry about his career, and i take care of as much of the rest as i can. so i'm not a lazy mooch. i'm a momma taking care of my boy who will never be able to go to college or live alone. when i'm gone, he'll live with his sister, jewel, and she and her significant other will have to figure it all out (she's aware of this; i'm not sure about him). she's working on a degree that might let her work from home and has time.

and that's why i stay home. hope it dispels any ideas about laziness etc. i've tried several things to make a bit of extra money. so far, they've not helped. but whether they do or not, i'm saving us money for a caretaker. even though he can manage basic tasks—getting dressed, using a microwave to heat up his lunch, etc—so he really only needs someone around in case something he's not used to, not prepared for, or is an emergency that would be difficult for any of us to respond to happens. so i stay home.

but in other news, we are finally settling on a new routine. we've had a few adjustments to figure out this week, but i think we may finally have it. hubs has three days to cook, phoenixcat and i each have two. my filming has moved to tuesdays, my facebook live to saturdays, and cleaning the kitchen is back on friday. laundry takes over the weekend: we wash saturday and go to the laundromat to dry on sunday. with all my big tasks separated, it'll be easier to work in the writing and editing. lifting is also proving a bit of a challenge, but some of that is my sleep schedule, which is completely flipped over. as we get used to the new routine, things should get more settled even with my schedule whacked out.

among the things that distracted us this past week is getting hub's first check from the new job. we used it to upgrade our phones (both of which were having charging issues) and ordered a new microwave (the last one kinda...blew up), but the look of that week's money has helped me take a deep breath and feel like we'll have a handle on the car payments that have been killing us. FINALLY. seriously, no one listened to me when i said $425 was too high. we're about halfway through our payments, and every month of this first half has been so hard. then hubs was in the hospital and had several e.r. visits, and i had e.r. visits, and his primary job cut back hours...catch up when? how? i hate that he has to work the hours he does, but this will get us on top of things again AND take care of at least the smaller big ticket items we've been putting off because, well, money. this new job doesn't solve everything (our federal return will still be taken to cover hub's educational loan for example, which puts things like a much needed new couch on hold for awhile longer), but it does ease the general week to week and month to month stuff. it may not feel like that at first since there's catch up still involved, but it does.

the only things that's not been going well is my head, so to speak. the weather is making me nuts. higher blood pressure means nastier headaches. and the constant rolling in of new storms isn't helping. i'm dealing with a lot of congestion and swollen sinuses on top of that. so half the time, even if i wake up around the time i feel i should (still working on not feeling guilty if i wake up "late"), i struggle to get up because i'm feeling so bad. i live on flonase, fexofenadine, and acetaminophen. i hate it, but it's the only way i can function.

but other things are moving forward in a good way. the routine is working out, the money is working out. there were a rough few days getting here this past week and a half, but things are looking good. at least, none of the difficult crap looks to be a permanent or long term problem at this point. so things are settling. we're not 100% out of the woods, and bumps will happen, but we're in a better place than we've been in awhile. i can live with that. and hopefully things like lifting and writing will also be sorting themselves out and becoming habits again soon.

speaking of which, i should probably be writing.