slump
     tuesday, february 13, 2018


well, that didn't take long.

life has topsy-turveyed in a numberr of ways, so my sleep is off, which means i'm not exercising or writing (doing the first on very little sleep is unsafe, and the latter just doesn't work). the weather isn't cooperating either, so that's contributing to my genera lack of energy and motivation to do much of anything. the headaches from it don't help either. also, the sleep being off means i'm sleeping in later, losing track of time and going to bed later, perpetuating the problems. the last couple of nights, i've been late enough that i haven't done any reading either.

off track bothers me. even if i get things done, i often don't feel like i've done much. i know that's pretty much me pushing myself more than anything: being at home, it's not like i'm on a real time crunch, and i certainly don't need to get everything in my weekly to do list done in one day. and with the weather, i'm tired even with enough sleep, so most days, getting a couple of small things out of the way is an accomplishment. i just...WANT to get shit done. i just don't have it in me to do much of anything.

i really need this winter overcast crap to move on. more than not getting things done, i just want the tireds to move on, and they won't until i get a day or two of sun to help me recharge. i think it's the drag that bothers me the most: that too tired, too unmotivated, can get out of bed but why bother because i don't feel up to doing anything despite enough sleep feeling. there's just not enough energy in the world to fight it some days, even when i want to.

and i want to! it's not only the usuals on my to do list i want to get done, but i want to bake (been thinking about making my easy cinnamon rolls for DAYS now, and just never feel up to it), i want to workout and write, i just want to do stuff! this slump is exhausting all on its own!

and i suppose all the stuff happening and that we're waiting to happen isn't helping. oldest AND youngest have moved in at least temporarily (froggy is the ultimate boomerang at the moment, lol) and my grandson will be moving back in with us at the end of the month. jewel needs to focus on school and works full time, and she and her man really weren't ready for kids, so having him is increasing her stress levels. she loves him, but the negative impacts are just too much at the moment. so we will have a very crowded apartment for awhile.

yea, saxy's not looking forward to that. heck, i'm having a time of it with so many people in the house. i've gotten used to having my day be mine (and at my age, it should be mine!), and even if they don't interact with you, somehow extra people suck time out of the day and disrupt routines.

i know everything will settle out (and when they leave, it'll be all disrupted again) and this slump will pass, but right now, it's driving me damn crazy. sometimes you just gotta ride the crazy out.